she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Randomize
