anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
