Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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