yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Houston, we have a blender
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
