This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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