HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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