Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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