May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
