Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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