I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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