Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
