Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
