First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
