FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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