I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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