I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
