Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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