i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
