worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
