not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
