I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
