New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
