marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
