At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
