how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
