I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I fill condoms, not promises.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
