I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
