why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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