You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
