Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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