i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
