Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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