i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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