I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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