and she was petting her beer can
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
