Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
