turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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