My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
