Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
