Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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