so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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