saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He better not be in your backpack
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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