Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need to align my fucking chakras
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
