you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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