She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
