grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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