I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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