"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
