I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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