My room smells like vodka and shame
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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