His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
