O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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