I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
