i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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