Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize