Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
