I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
is it fun? or sober?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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