I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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