He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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