You're my little dorito
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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