"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
