Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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