I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
