If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
