We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize