you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
