things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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